Consulting Journal: Writing - More brevity or clarity (1)

This article is reprinted from The Consulting Journal
http://www.consultingjournal.com

Writing: More brevity or clarity (1)

by David Blakey

How to make sentences clearer by extending them.

[Monday 7 February 2005]

Previously, I wrote about the difference between forego and forgo, and I used these examples.

You can achieve maximum benefit by implementing work-flow systems and foregoing business process improvement.
You can achieve maximum benefit by implementing work-flow systems and forgoing business process improvement.

The first example means that the improvement must be done before the implementation. The second means that the implementation can be done without the improvement. In the previous article, I established the different meanings of these two sentences. In this article, I shall explore the different constructions of the sentences.

At first glance, they appear to be constructed identically. This is a problem. Even with the correct spelling of forego or forgo, a reader could still misunderstand them.

First example

The first example begins with the verb achieve and then has a single subordinate clause, beginning with by that has a single verb and two objects. The verb, implement, is actually in the form of a participle, implementing, but it works as a verb. The clause construction is the verb implement and two objects. The first object is work-flow systems and the second object is foregoing business process improvement. In a simpler form, the sentence is

You can achieve maximum benefit by implementing [work-flow] systems and [foregoing business process] improvement.

Second example

The second example also begins with a verb. It has two clauses after the by. Each of these two clauses has a verb and an object. This becomes more obvious if we emphasize the verbs.

You can achieve maximum benefit by implementing work-flow systems and forgoing business process improvement.

This sentence is not about implementing two objects. It is about implementing one object and forgoing another.

The problem

The problem is that both sentences rely on the reader understanding when participles are used as adjectives and when they are used as verbs. Foregoing is used as an adjective; forgoing is used as a verb.

The solution

The solution is to add additional words so that the meaning of the sentence becomes clear. In reality, I would rewrite both sentences entirely, to avoid using foregoing and forgoing; in this example, I shall adjust the existing sentences.

The definite and indefinite articles the and a always precede a noun. So we can identify something as a noun by adding an article. We can also do this by adding a possessive pronoun: my, your, their.

You can achieve maximum benefit by implementing work-flow systems and their foregoing business process improvement.

Similarly, a conjunction marks the start of a new clause, so I would put a conjunction before the second clause in the second example.

You can achieve maximum benefit by implementing work-flow systems and by forgoing business process improvement.