Consulting Journal: Techniques - Applying good manners

This article is reprinted from The Consulting Journal
http://www.consultingjournal.com

Techniques: Applying good manners

by David Blakey

Is etiquette important in today's business world? If it is, then how important are good manners?

[Monday 19 August 2002]

A recent trend in management education is the increased number of courses on etiquette. When I started my career in consulting, most business leaders in Britain had learned etiquette and good manners from their parents or at school. I have watched the decline in both with some dismay for the past twenty years. Now, it seems, there may be a return to etiquette, at least.

Etiquette is the methodology of behaviour. Good manners are the techniques.

Etiquette can be learned. It does change over time, as do all good methodologies. Today, business cards no longer follow the formats and styles that were described in the etiquette books of even twenty years ago. No one today has a business card printed entirely in black on white.

Good manners cannot be learned. They depend on a particular attitude. You need to think about the other person's comfort and feelings. There is a story - possibly anecdotal - of George V entertaining a foreign guest to dinner at Buckingham Place. There were finger-bowls on the dinner table. The foreign guest picked one up and drank from it. The king immediately did the same. In terms of etiquette, the king was wrong: you do not drink from a finger-bowl. In terms of good manners, the king was right: his guest left the dinner unaware that he had done anything wrong. Good manners can overrule etiquette.

One of the things being taught on some of the new etiquette courses is when it is correct to talk about business over a meal. The rules of etiquette are:

Breakfast

As a breakfast has usually been arranged solely for the purpose of discussing business, it is correct to talk about it at any time.

Lunch

The main purpose of meeting for lunch is to eat, so business should not be discussed until the main lunch course has been ordered.

Dinner

Dinner is an occasion reserved for people who are closer to you than business associates, so business should not be discussed at all.

These rules of etiquette ignore some of the rules of good manners.

If you are a consultant trying to sell your services to a prospect, you should not immediately launch into your sales patter as soon as you have ordered your lunch unless you are sure that your prospect is as eager to hear it as you are to present it. As you will be paying for the lunch, your prospect is bound to ask you about your work sooner or later. You can observe how keen they are by how quickly they ask you.

If they say ‘So, can you help us with our distribution problems?’ as soon as the waiter takes their menu away, you can be certain that you have a keen prospect. If you're actually eating dessert by the time that they say ‘And what are you doing these days?’, you can be fairly sure that they are cold.

They may, of course, need you desperately and this is part of their negotiation with you. I can think of no other business except consulting where the customer begins to haggle before they have even decided what they are going to buy.

One unfortunate influence on modern manners - which people seem reluctant to mention - has been the acceptance of the Japanese way of doing business. One instance of this is the practice of pushing business cards at people at the first available opportunity.

What kind of impression do you make if, as soon as you meet someone, you take a stack of business cards from your pocket and hand them one? Your business cards will seem to have little value to you if you toss them around like confetti. You will not seem to really value doing business with the other person. They will be one of hundreds - perhaps thousands - who had had your business card thrust at them.

Now let's look at making a good impression.

First, your business cards should be in a container. It should not be one of those little metal containers that are given away as ‘business gifts’. It should be a well-made leather card case. If you haven't got one of those, then you can have them in a pocket of your wallet or purse. The impression that you want to give is that your business cards are precious and that you want to look after them.

Second, you should have only a few of them. If you are meeting only one person, you should have only three cards in the case. If you are meeting three people, then you should have five cards. Always two more than the number of people you are expecting to meet. This adds to the impression that your business cards are important to you, and it also says that you do carry a couple of spare cards in case you want to give your card to someone else you might meet. You are prepared for the unexpected. (This does not mean that you shouldn't have a stack of cards in your briefcase.)

Third, think about how you hold your card as you present it. Although it is something that you regard as precious, you should not handle it gingerly. Do not hold it with your thumb on the bottom edge and your finger on the top edge. That is the way that people in television commercials handle shampoos and chocolate bars. Put your thumb firmly on one end of the card, fairly close to the middle, and hold it towards the other person. Your grip will appear strong. As the other person takes the card, release it. This sends some important messages to the other person. It says that you have strong convictions about your ability to work for that person. (Actually, it says that you have strong convictions about what it says about you on the card, but it's the same message, really.) It says that you are confident that this person needs the card. (And, if they need the card, they need you.)

Etiquette and good manners will work to create a good impression of you in your prospects' minds. And good impressions do win business in consulting.